Brexit wasn’t a failure. It liberated us from the declining, dictatorial EU

A reply To Lord Frost In The Telegraph

Dear Lord Frost,

Ah, Brexit. The gift that keeps on giving—if the gift in question is a flaming bag of economic decline left on Britain’s doorstep. Your latest Telegraph sermon, “Brexit Wasn’t a Failure. It Liberated Us from the Declining, Dictatorial EU”, reads less like a sober analysis and more like a desperate attempt to convince the nation that the house isn’t on fire while frantically fanning the flames.

But fear not! I’m here to help. Let’s sift through your greatest hits of Brexit delusion with the same care you apply to ignoring reality.

The Economy is Definitely Thriving—If You Ignore the Facts

You boldly declare Britain is economically outperforming France and Germany, which is an interesting take given that the UK remains the only G7 economy still limping behind its pre-pandemic size. Meanwhile, the Office for Budget Responsibility keeps gently reminding us that Brexit alone has knocked off at least 4% from the economy—like a bad haircut that never grows out.

To put it bluntly, Britain’s economic outlook makes Black Mirror look like a feel-good romcom. Inflation? Higher than our neighbours. Productivity? Falling. Investment? Scarcer than a straightforward Boris Johnson speech. Meanwhile, the pound bounces around like a toddler on a sugar high.

Yet somehow, this is all a resounding success. By this logic, if I set my house on fire and manage to save the toaster, I should be writing Telegraph op-eds about my brilliant new home renovation strategy.

What we actually got post-Brexit:
Lower growth
Higher inflation
More expensive imports
A trade deficit that could double as a black hole

So yes, the UK is thriving—if by "thriving" you mean "developing an intimate relationship with economic stagnation."

Trade: We’ve Definitely Got This Under Control (By Making It Worse)

Ah, the sweet irony. You boast that we are “managing things perfectly well,” while UK businesses sob quietly into their paperwork. The sheer joy of replacing frictionless trade with an avalanche of customs declarations, regulatory barriers, and supply chain chaos must be what Brexit voters meant by "taking back control."

Britain has essentially become the economic equivalent of a driver who insists they know a shortcut, ignores all road signs, and is now stranded in a ditch, screaming, “At least we’re not on the motorway!”

Let’s look at the Brexit trade highlights:
Foreign direct investment plummeting faster than Conservative approval ratings.
UK exports to the EU burdened with enough red tape to gift-wrap the entire country.
The City of London watching financial services migrate to the EU while whistling nervously.

But don’t worry—our stunning new post-Brexit trade deals will save us. You know, the ones that mostly involve signing worse versions of deals we already had as EU members. And let’s not forget the crowning glory: the Australia trade deal. That’s right—Britain bravely took on the economic might of Australia, a country so integral to our economy that we mostly just associate it with barbecues and Home & Away.

Labour Shortages: Who Needs Workers Anyway?

Another triumph of Brexit: the nationwide game of Where Have All the Workers Gone? Farmers? Struggling. Hospitality? Understaffed. NHS? Watching EU staff flee while ministers perform emergency CPR on recruitment targets.

Of course, Brexit wasn’t supposed to mean labour shortages—it was supposed to mean glorious British jobs for glorious British workers. The small problem? British workers don’t want to pick fruit for minimum wage in the pouring rain when they could get a better-paid job stacking supermarket shelves. Who could have possibly seen that coming?

Even Brexit’s loudest champions have been forced to admit the "sovereignty" we gained comes with the small side effect of nobody being around to do the work. But not to worry, I’m sure more visa restrictions will really help.

Northern Ireland: Just a Spot of ‘Bickering’, Right?

The Northern Ireland Protocol: signed, sealed, and completely misunderstood by Brexiteers. You wave away the chaos as mere "bickering," presumably under the assumption that supply chain crises and constitutional breakdowns are just a normal Tuesday.

Let’s recap:
Trade barriers between Northern Ireland and Britain? Check.
Political instability? Check.
The UK being forced to renegotiate its own Brexit deal multiple times? Check.

Brilliant. Almost as if the people who warned this would happen were… oh, I don’t know, right?

The EU: A ‘Declining Dictatorship’ That’s Beating Us

Lord Frost, the EU is apparently a "declining, dictatorial" regime, which is fascinating given that it's still outpacing the UK in economic growth, investment, and having a functioning trade policy.

Meanwhile, Keir Starmer is definitely trying to “surrender” Britain’s control… by not rejoining the EU, not rejoining the single market, and not rejoining the customs union. Makes perfect sense, yes?

Oh, and that little fearmongering nugget about him “giving away” UK fishing rights? If we could get a fact-check on that, I suspect even the ghost of Margaret Thatcher would be rolling her eyes.

Public Opinion: The Pesky People Have Stopped Believing

You scoff at polls showing a majority of Britons now regret Brexit. Because who cares what the electorate thinks once they’ve served their purpose, right?

Some fun figures for you:
Over 60% of Britons now believe Brexit was a mistake.
Young voters overwhelmingly want back in—meaning the clock on Brexit’s shelf life is ticking.
Even some Brexiteers are now muttering, “Maybe this wasn’t such a great idea after all…”

But sure, let’s keep pretending that "the people’s will" is still firmly behind this economic pyrotechnics display.

If Brexit Was So Great, Why Does It Need ‘Saving’?

The best bit? You claim Brexit was a success… while frantically writing articles on how to save it. You see the problem, right?

Because let’s be honest:
If Brexit were working, we wouldn’t be begging for investment.
If Brexit were a triumph, businesses wouldn’t be drowning in red tape.
If Brexit had delivered, you wouldn’t be trying to convince us otherwise.

Final Thoughts: Reality Bites—And It’s Biting Hard

Lord Frost, the post-Brexit UK you describe sounds amazing—unfortunately, it only exists in the pages of The Telegraph and the fever dreams of Jacob Rees-Mogg. Meanwhile, the rest of us are stuck in a real-world experiment where the only winning move is to stop pretending it’s going well.

So, here’s a radical idea: instead of writing yet another column doubling down on Brexit’s "success," maybe—just maybe—you could consider acknowledging reality?

Because at this point, the only thing more predictable than Brexit’s failures is the absolute refusal of its architects to admit them.

Yours in exhausted disbelief,
A Nation That’s Had Enough

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