Brexit

The Never-Ending Farce That Redefined Political Comedy

Brexit. A word that once stirred visions of patriotic pride now prompts grimaces, sighs, or outright laughter. Sold to the public as a golden ticket to sovereignty and prosperity, it turned out to be a political Pandora’s box, unleashing chaos, economic strife, and a whole lot of irony. It’s been years since the 2016 referendum, and the consequences have come crashing in like a wave hitting Brighton Pier during a gale.

Despite all the promises, slogans, and misplaced optimism, Brexit’s reality has been a symphony of dysfunction. From economic downturns to labour shortages and political tensions, the story of Brexit has become a cautionary tale, starring the “heroes” who led us here. Pull up a chair; there’s a lot to unpack.

The Challenges of Brexit: Where Promises Go to Die

Economic Downturn: Sovereignty Doesn’t Pay the Bills

Brexit was meant to free Britain’s economy, unleashing untold prosperity. Instead, it feels like we’ve traded a racehorse for a three-legged donkey. The UK’s GDP has taken a 4–5% hit, a stark reminder that leaving your biggest trading bloc is not exactly a winning strategy.

Trade with the EU has nosedived, with exports down 17% and imports down 23%. Businesses now navigate tariffs and paperwork that make their pre-Brexit lives look like a dream. Consumers? They’re paying the price—literally—with higher costs and reduced access to goods. So much for the “easiest trade deal in history.”

The City of London: Bye-Bye, Jobs

London, once the undisputed financial capital of Europe, has waved goodbye to around 40,000 jobs. Dublin, Paris, and Amsterdam gleefully welcomed firms that wanted to stay inside the EU’s regulatory framework. “Global Britain,” they said. Turns out, it’s more “Relocating Britain.”

Trade Barriers: Red Tape Galore

Brexit promised an end to bureaucratic meddling. What we got was a red-tape bonanza. Businesses face delays, increased costs, and logistical headaches that have redefined “taking back control.” The customs queues alone could double as a modern art installation titled Frustration.

Northern Ireland: A Problem That Won’t Go Away

The Northern Ireland Protocol was meant to solve Brexit’s thorniest issue—how to avoid a hard border with Ireland. Instead, it’s become the political equivalent of a Rubik’s Cube solved by a toddler. Trade frictions between Northern Ireland and the rest of the UK have reignited tensions, and the Good Friday Agreement feels shakier than ever.

Labour Shortages: No Workers, No Problem (Just Kidding)

Ending freedom of movement was marketed as a victory. The reality? Industries from agriculture to healthcare now face crippling labour shortages. Crops rot in fields, hospitals cry out for staff, and pubs struggle to pour pints. It’s a brilliant strategy if your goal is to make “Help Wanted” signs a national symbol.

Lost Research Funding: From Leader to Loner

Once a global leader in research and innovation, the UK now finds itself on the outside looking in. Losing access to EU research programs has stifled scientific collaboration and funding. “World-class innovation” is hard to achieve when you’re left out of the room where it happens.

Travel Hassles: The New Normal

Gone are the days of seamless European travel. Now, UK citizens face visa requirements, increased scrutiny, and queues that make Disneyland look efficient. So much for the freedom to roam—Brexit has grounded us faster than a Ryanair strike.

Cost of Living: A Sinking Ship

Brexit hasn’t just disrupted trade; it’s exacerbated the UK’s housing crisis and childcare costs. Young families face soaring rents and sky-high home prices, while childcare remains one of the most expensive in Europe. These are the structural issues we were told Brexit would fix. Spoiler alert: they didn’t.

The Brexit Superstars: Selling the Dream, Skipping the Fallout

Nigel Farage

Role: The pint-wielding poster boy for Leave.

Controversies: Profited from Brexit while preaching patriotism.

Net Worth: £2.5 million. Status: Still smug.

Boris Johnson

Role: Brexit’s head cheerleader.

Controversies: Lied about lockdowns, lied about funding, lied about… well, a lot.

Net Worth: £1.6 million. Status: Busy writing his memoirs (likely titled Bluff and Bluster).

Michael Gove

Role: The strategist who smiled through it all.

Controversies: Drug use admissions and unpopular educational reforms.

Net Worth: £1–£1.5 million. Status: Biding his time.

Jacob Rees-Mogg

Role: The aristocrat who made Brexit sound like a Jane Austen novel.

Controversies: Offshore investments and Grenfell comments.

Net Worth: £100 million. Status: Absolutely unbothered.

Priti Patel

Role: Hardline Home Secretary and immigration hawk.

Controversies: Workplace bullying allegations and secret meetings.

Net Worth: £2.2 million. Status: Still unapologetic.

Dominic Cummings

Role: Vote Leave’s puppeteer.

Controversies: His lockdown-busting Barnard Castle trip was the plot twist no one asked for.

Net Worth: £3 million. Status: Permanently bitter.

Arron Banks

Role: Brexit’s financial backer.

Controversies: Investigated for funding sources and Russia ties.

Net Worth: £100 million. Status: Playing the denial game.

Kate Hoey

Role: Labour’s pro-Brexit rebel.

Controversies: Criticised for expenses and her Leave advocacy.

Net Worth: £1 million. Status: Likely ranting about fishing quotas.

Daniel Hannan

Role: The “intellectual” behind Brexit.

Controversies: Questionable trade appointments and healthcare comments.

Net Worth: £1 million. Status: Writing essays on why he’s still right.

Brexit: A Cautionary Tale or a Comedy of Errors?

Brexit was sold as Britain’s triumphant return to greatness. Instead, it’s been a slow, agonising unravelling of promises that were never grounded in reality. The champions of Brexit, meanwhile, seem to be doing just fine. The same can’t be said for the rest of us.

As we sift through the rubble, one thing is clear: Brexit didn’t deliver what was promised. Instead of the sunlit uplands, we’ve been left with economic storms, political turmoil, and a whole lot of buyer’s remorse.

Brexit might have taken back control, but it also handed us a masterclass in mismanagement—and a lot of lessons we should never forget.

Don’t miss out on more sharp takes and sarcastic truths—subscribe now! It’s like Brexit, but with actual benefits.