The Return of Trade Wars: How to Break the Global Economy, One Tariff at a Time (Again)
Because If It Didn’t Work the First Time, Let’s Try It Louder
Ah, tariffs—America’s favourite way to self-sabotage under the guise of economic nationalism. Nothing says "winning strategy" like making everything more expensive while pretending it's all part of a master plan.
In a move so bold even history textbooks are groaning, President Donald Trump has once again decided that slapping 25% tariffs on steel and aluminium imports is exactly what the US economy needs. As of March 12, 2025, these tariffs are back in action, because apparently, we haven’t quite learned that economic protectionism tends to boomerang harder than a dodgy Amazon return.
The official justification? National security, job creation, and the belief that trade wars are, in fact, “good and easy to win” (spoiler: they are neither). The reality? A global economy about to be drop-kicked into another round of retaliatory chaos, because—shockingly—countries don’t love being punished for selling things America actually needs.
So, as the world collectively sighs, let’s take a deep dive into why history, economics, and common sense all think this is a catastrophically stupid idea.
Trade Wars: The Economic Equivalent of Punching Yourself in the Face
Slightly higher steel production
Massive cost increases for manufacturers
More expensive cars, food packaging, and construction materials
Trade wars with allies who retaliated in kind
75,000 jobs lost in downstream industries
By 2019, the tariffs were already being walked back as reality rudely interrupted the fantasy. The US quietly removed restrictions on Canadian and Mexican metals, and when Biden took office, he made further efforts to clean up the mess by lifting EU tariffs.
So naturally, Trump has decided the best course of action is to do it all again—this time, with even more industries getting hit. Because when a bad idea fails, the only logical step is to double down and crank the chaos up to 11.
2025: The Sequel No One Wanted
Unlike its 2018 predecessor, this new and “improved” tariff war is bigger, bolder, and dumber. We’re no longer just targeting raw metals—oh no, that would be too sensible. This time, we’re including tractor parts, metal furniture, industrial hinges, and just about anything else with a metallic sheen.
Because, as we all know, what the struggling construction and automobile industries really needed was higher material costs. It’s like watching someone drown and handing them a set of dumbbells.
And let’s not forget the broader economic landscape:
The COVID-19 pandemic already broke global supply chains
Geopolitical tensions with China, Russia, and the EU are at an all-time high
Inflation is still lurking, waiting for an excuse to explode again.
So what’s the genius move here? Let’s make trade even more expensive! Because if you’re going to light the economy on fire, you might as well use premium-grade gasoline.
Smoot-Hawley: The OG Trade War Disaster
For those who aren’t avid readers of "How to Crash an Economy in Three Easy Steps", let’s take a little history lesson.
Back in 1930, when the US economy was teetering on the edge of disaster, Congress introduced the Smoot-Hawley Tariff, a masterpiece of self-inflicted economic wounds. The goal? To protect American farmers and manufacturers by raising tariffs on imported goods.
The result? Global trade collapsed by 60%, because—shocker—when you tax the hell out of imports, other countries do the same thing back to you. Exports dried up, industries crumbled, unemployment soared, and the Great Depression got even worse.
Economists have been warning about Smoot-Hawley 2.0 for years, but clearly, no one in the Trump administration got the memo. Instead, they’ve chosen to recreate the conditions of a 1930s economic disaster, because apparently, the best way to move forward is to sprint backwards at full speed.
The International Backlash: Welcome to Retaliation Season
The first rule of tariffs is simple: other countries don’t just sit there and take it. And true to form, the rest of the world has responded to Trump’s new trade tantrum with countermeasures that are about as subtle as a brick to the face.
🇨🇦 Canada has retaliated with $155 billion worth of tariffs on American goods. That means if you enjoy cheap timber, aluminium, or maple syrup, prepare to start selling a kidney.
🇪🇺 The European Union has gone after $28 billion worth of American exports, including bourbon, motorcycles, and agricultural goods—because if there’s one thing European policymakers enjoy, it’s hitting American industries where it hurts.
🇨🇳 China has introduced 15% tariffs on US agricultural products, including wheat, corn, and cotton. American farmers are now in the firing line, because what better way to support your base than by making their lives harder?
Meanwhile, Mexico, Japan, and South Korea are all lining up their own retaliatory measures, because, apparently, no one appreciates being treated like an economic punching bag.
The Economic Fallout: What Could Possibly Go Wrong?
If the 2018 tariffs were an economic slap, the 2025 version is a full-blown dropkick.
Car Prices: Already hitting an average of $48,000 per vehicle, tariffs will push costs even higher, making new cars even less affordable for everyday Americans.
Construction Costs: With steel and aluminium prices rising, housing and infrastructure projects are about to get a lot more expensive. Hope you like delays and price hikes.
Food Prices: Since aluminium is used for food packaging, everything from canned goods to beer is about to cost more. Perfect timing for another inflation panic.
Job Losses: Tariffs help a tiny fraction of steelworkers, while harming millions of people in downstream industries. Expect factory layoffs, higher unemployment, and manufacturing slowdowns.
So, to summarise: Trump’s tariffs might help a few thousand steelworkers but will absolutely wreck the wallets of tens of millions of Americans. But hey—at least hinges are now more American than ever.
The Political Gamble: Sacrificing Voters for Soundbites
Of course, this isn’t just about economics—it’s also about politics. Tariffs play well with Rust Belt voters, especially in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Ohio. But here’s the problem:
Most people in these states work in industries that USE steel, not make it.
So while Trump might score a few cheap political points, the economic consequences will come back to bite him when:
Job losses pile up
Manufacturers start moving production overseas
Farmers get wiped out by Chinese tariffs
And if history is any guide, we’ll be seeing more “trade negotiations” and “adjustments” in a year or two—because nothing screams economic stability like constantly backtracking on policies.
Conclusion: The Future is… Expensive
So, here we are—another trade war, another round of economic self-sabotage, another set of angry allies plotting revenge. If history is anything to go by, expect:
Prices to skyrocket
Jobs to disappear
A slow, painful climbdown when everything inevitably goes wrong
Until then, enjoy more expensive cars, costlier beer, and a front-row seat to economic nonsense on a grand scale.
Because, at the end of the day, why learn from history when you can just repeat the same mistakes—louder?
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