The Man Who Crashed the UK Economy, Got Caught Selling Access, and Now Thinks He’s an Immigration Expert

A Reply to Kwasi Kwarteng Of GB News

Dear Kwasi Kwarteng,

Ah, Kwasi Kwarteng. The man who gave us the financial catastrophe that was The Mini-Budget Heard Around the World, now wants us to take him seriously as a wise elder statesman on immigration. Fascinating.

Your article, "Illegal migrants don’t need to bypass the system—there is no system to bypass", is certainly a masterpiece of performative outrage, dripping with misplaced indignation, some good old-fashioned xenophobic dog-whistling, and the usual Tory trick of blaming everyone except the people who were in charge for 13 years.

But let’s not be too harsh. After all, you’re just doing what every failed Conservative politician does when they realise they’ll never hold office again: reinventing yourself as a bold truth-teller, bravely taking on “the system” (which you were in charge of) and exposing the “real issues” (which you actively helped create). It’s a well-worn path—Michael Gove did it, Boris Johnson did it, and now here you are, hoping we’ll all forget that you were one of the people responsible for this mess.

Spoiler: we haven’t forgotten.

Yes, the Immigration System Is Broken—And You Helped Break It

Let’s start with something we can actually agree on: the UK’s immigration system is a mess. It’s slow, bureaucratic, ineffective, and utterly incapable of dealing with the realities of modern migration. But remind me—who was in government while all of this got worse?

That’s right, you were.

For 13 years, your party promised to fix immigration. Instead, you turned it into an expensive, inefficient, borderline inhumane shambles. You ramped up anti-immigrant rhetoric, botched asylum processing, and—let’s not forget—oversaw policies that resulted in British citizens being unlawfully detained and deported because the Home Office had lost their paperwork (see: The Windrush Scandal​).

Your party gutted the Home Office, slashed border enforcement, and made it harder—not easier—for people to come here legally. You promised to cut net migration, and yet—shock horror—it reached record highs under your watch. Turns out, when you run a country into the ground, you need migrant workers to keep things functioning. Who knew? (Spoiler: everyone except the Conservative Party).

So now, after over a decade of your party mismanaging the system into total dysfunction, you want to stand there, looking shocked—shocked!—that things are in chaos? Please.

That’s like setting a building on fire, watching it burn for an hour, and then angrily tweeting that the fire department isn’t doing enough.

The Classic “Migrants = Crime” Nonsense

Now, let’s talk about your utterly pathetic attempt to link immigration to crime. You brought up Axel Rudakubana, using him as some kind of cautionary tale about the dangers of letting in too many migrants. Small problem, Kwasi: he was born in the UK.

Yes, you tried to pin violent crime on “immigrants” using an example of a British-born criminal. That’s an interesting tactic. By that logic, shall we start blaming white British criminals on the residual trauma of the Anglo-Saxon invasions? Maybe Stephen Port, Christopher Halliwell, and Stephen Griffiths—the “Grindr Killer,” the taxi driver murderer, and the Crossbow Cannibal—were just acting out their ancestors’ unresolved Viking aggression​?

Or is it only people with foreign-sounding names who are destined for criminality, according to you?

The actual crime statistics don’t support your fearmongering. In fact, asylum seekers and migrants are less likely to commit violent crime than native-born citizens. The biggest predictors of crime? Poverty, social exclusion, and economic desperation—all things that, funnily enough, your government made worse.

But of course, why have a serious discussion about tackling crime when you can just throw out a scary foreign-sounding name and let the tabloids do the rest?

Basic Mathematics—A Thing You Should Try Learning

You claim that millions of illegal migrants are flooding Britain and that “nobody knows where they are.” Ooooh, spooky. Except that’s not actually true.

Let’s talk about your now-infamous “1 in 12 illegal migrant” claim—a statistic so absurd that even The Sun, a paper that practically foams at the mouth over immigration, had to issue a correction​. Turns out, those numbers included legal migrants, British-born children of migrants, and even people with indefinite leave to remain.

That’s a bit like adding up every British tourist in Spain and declaring that “1 in 10 Brits has fled the UK.”

Honestly, given your track record with numbers—specifically, the £45 billion hole you blew in the UK economy—I’m not sure why I’m surprised. You don’t do facts. You don’t do data. You just do wild guesses and good old-fashioned scaremongering.

Kwasi Kwarteng: The Man Who Should Never Be Taken Seriously Again

Kwasi, you are not some dispassionate observer bravely exposing government incompetence. You were the incompetence.

You were the Chancellor who crashed the UK economy in 38 days, sending mortgage rates through the roof and making life immeasurably worse for working-class Brits.
You were the MP who got caught on camera offering to sell access for £10,000 a day to fake foreign lobbyists​.
You were a senior member of a government that promised to control immigration but actually oversaw record-high migration while making life worse for both migrants and native-born Brits.

And now, you think you’re the person we should trust on how to fix the system? Please.

That’s like a bank robber offering financial planning advice.

Kwasi’s Sad, Pathetic Attempt at Reinventing Himself

Now that the Tories are circling the drain, you’ve suddenly decided that you’re an outsider, a renegade, a fearless truth-teller. Maybe you’re angling for a GB News contract. Maybe you’re hoping for a right-wing think tank gig where you can churn out alarmist reports for hedge fund billionaires.

Whatever your goal, we see through it.

This is not about immigration. This is about Kwasi Kwarteng trying desperately to stay relevant. You don’t actually care about fixing the system. If you did, you would have done something when you had actual power. Instead, you made things worse.

You don’t get to set the house on fire and then turn up with a bucket of water, pretending to be the hero.

Conclusion: Please, Kwasi, Just Stop Talking

Kwasi, here’s an idea: instead of pretending to be shocked by the disasters you helped create, why not just go away?

You had power. You failed spectacularly. You don’t get to lecture the rest of us now.

Illegal immigration isn’t the biggest threat to Britain. Lying, incompetent, morally bankrupt politicians are.

And you, Kwasi, are Exhibit A.

Sincerely,

Someone with a functioning memory.

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