How to Win Friends and Terrorise People

Integrity is for Losers, Apparently—And We’re Just Fine with That

Congratulations, humanity!

After centuries of pretending that honesty, kindness, and basic human decency were worth something, we’ve finally ripped the mask off and declared open season on integrity. Once upon a time, we celebrated leaders who had, you know, a moral compass—Lincoln, Roosevelt, Mandela. Now? We cheer for whatever loud, ruthless sociopath can throw the biggest tantrum and get away with it.

Somewhere along the way, we collectively decided that being an insufferable grifter is aspirational, and integrity is just a pesky inconvenience that makes it harder to accumulate power. The modern playbook for success is simple: Lie, cheat, grift, and, if you get caught, deny harder.

Meet the Role Models of Our Time: Greed, Deception, and Elon Musk’s Twitter Account

Let’s take a moment to appreciate some of our most dazzling success stories.

Donald Trump—a man whose moral compass spins so wildly it could power a small city. His entire business model? Saying literally anything and then denying it five minutes later. His presidency is essentially a four-year experiment to see how much a person can get away with before society collectively gives up trying to hold them accountable. Turns out, a lot.

Then we have Elon Musk, a man who once convinced people he was going to colonise Mars. But instead of leading humanity to the stars, he’s chosen the far more noble pursuit of turning Twitter into a conspiracy-fuelled hellscape. He promised us space travel, and we got blue checkmarks for Nazis. Progress!

And let’s not forget the truly global pioneers of this movement—Viktor Orbán, Narendra Modi, Jair Bolsonaro—leaders who have perfected the art of using nationalism, misinformation, and good old-fashioned fear-mongering to consolidate power. It turns out that if you flood the airwaves with enough nonsense, people just stop expecting truth altogether.

Corporate leaders aren’t missing out either. Take BP, which has spent decades explaining how they totally care about the environment—right up until they dump another few million barrels of oil into the ocean. Or big pharma, who bravely ensure that life-saving drugs remain at just the right level of unaffordable to keep their shareholders happy.

Social Media: Turning Outrage into a Business Model Since 2006

It’s not just politicians and billionaires. The entire media ecosystem has been optimised to reward the worst people imaginable. Once upon a time, debate involved facts and logic. Now, engagement is king, and the best way to grab attention is screaming the loudest and being the most unhinged person in the room.

Take GB News, for example, a channel that exists purely to remind people that being "anti-woke" is a personality trait. Or the Daily Mail, which has spent decades convincing people that immigrants are personally responsible for everything from the housing crisis to the weather. Who needs facts when you can just manufacture outrage?

Social media giants have streamlined this into an exact science. Algorithms prioritise division, amplifying the most inflammatory nonsense to maximise engagement. Because nothing boosts ad revenue quite like a full-blown culture war.

We’ve now reached a point where a leader could be caught on video kicking a puppy into traffic, and the internet would still be debating whether the puppy was actually a deep-state operative trying to frame him.

Moral Bankruptcy: The New Normal™

Here’s where it gets really dark—we don’t even expect better anymore. We’ve simply accepted that most people in power are fundamentally awful, and we’ve decided the best we can hope for is someone who’s only moderately corrupt.

Scandals? Who has the attention span for those anymore?
Just look at the UK’s recent history:

Boris Johnson’s “Partygate” scandal? People raged for a few weeks, then forgot about it.

The Windrush scandal? Deporting legal citizens? Barely a blip in the public consciousness.

MPs’ expenses? Everyone got mad, and then they just kept doing it anyway.

We don’t hold power accountable anymore—we scroll past it.

The Future: Embracing the League of Lying Bastards or Actually Giving a Damn?

So, what happens next? Do we just fully lean into the dystopia and accept that the game is rigged in favour of the loudest, most dishonest people? Do we crown Piers Morgan as our Supreme Overlord and call it a day?

Or—crazy idea—do we fight back?
Not with pitchforks (tempting, though), but with something even more dangerous to the grifters and frauds: critical thinking.

Imagine a world where:

We demand media transparency, where every outlet discloses their funding sources and hidden agendas.

We hold leaders accountable, making sure that public outrage actually leads to consequences.

We stop rewarding bad behaviour—boycotting brands, cancelling subscriptions, and refusing to engage with clickbait outrage.

We boost investigative journalism, rather than letting it die while clickbait “news” thrives.

Wouldn’t it be nice if leaders actually had to work for our respect again?

Is It Too Late?

History suggests that public apathy has a breaking point. Every time corruption spirals out of control, reform movements eventually rise. The Roman Republic collapsed under its own greed, but that led to massive societal shifts. The Gilded Age produced the Progressive Era. Even the UK’s own political landscape has seen waves of reform in response to public outcry—though let’s be honest, it takes a lot to shake Brits out of cynicism.

If history is any guide, the pendulum should swing back.
But only if we actually make it swing.

So, what’s it going to be?
Do we keep rewarding the worst people imaginable and let the world become a permanent reality TV show, where the most psychotic contestant wins? Or do we, against all odds, try to make decency a thing again?

Because let’s be real—if we keep going like this, we won’t need historians to write about the fall of democracy. Influencers will live-stream it for engagement.

And that, dear reader, is why integrity is for losers—unless, of course, you think maybe, just maybe, we should demand something better.

Or we could just let the League of Lying Bastards™ run the world. Either way, buckle up—2025 is going to be a hell of a ride.

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