Alright, let’s take this scenario and go full throttle. Trump is back in the White House (because apparently, democracy is just a reality show now), and the Kremlin is celebrating like they just annexed another chunk of the map. But is this really the great victory for Putin they think it is? Let’s dissect the sheer absurdity of this claim.
So, Donald Trump is back in the Oval Office, and what does he do? He gives Zelenskyy a "brutal dressing-down", according to the Kremlin, who have about as much credibility as a used car salesman telling you this one definitely won’t break down on the motorway.
Let’s be real: Trump being a jerk to Zelenskyy was about as predictable as him calling himself a genius on live TV.
The real question isn’t whether Trump likes Ukraine—he doesn’t. The real question is: Does this actually change anything for Putin?
Short answer: No.
Long answer: Putin can celebrate all he wants, but Ukraine is still fighting, NATO is still expanding, and Russia is still bleeding men and money at a catastrophic rate. The fact that Moscow is treating this as a "victory" is proof of just how desperate and delusional they are.
Moscow’s Reaction: The World’s Saddest Victory Parade
Dmitry Medvedev, Russia’s resident "Angry Twitter Grandpa", declared this meeting a humiliating moment for Ukraine. This is the same guy who spends half his time fantasising about nuclear war and the other half trying to stay relevant.
Maria Zakharova, the Kremlin’s human megaphone, gushed about how Trump and JD Vance had "exposed" Zelenskyy. Exposed him for what, exactly? Asking for help while his country is being invaded? If that’s supposed to be some kind of gotcha moment, then Medvedev should probably Google "alliance" and see how that works.
Alexey Pushkov, another Kremlin lapdog, declared that Trump’s attitude signalled the beginning of regime change in Ukraine. Adorable. They’ve been pushing this same nonsense since 2022, and yet, somehow, Zelenskyy is still in power while Russia has lost multiple generals and Wagner mutinies.
Moscow treating this White House exchange as a turning point in global politics is like a football team celebrating an opponent’s yellow card while still losing 5-0.
Trump’s Ukraine Policy: A Gift to Putin?
Now, let’s talk about Trump’s actual Ukraine policy. Because, while he might enjoy bullying Zelenskyy on live TV, his presidency isn’t a magic wand that instantly hands Ukraine over to Putin.
Trump has always been weirdly obsessed with Putin. We all remember his Helsinki moment, when he basically bowed before the Russian president on the world stage. So yes, Trump probably wants to cut some kind of "deal" that involves telling Ukraine to surrender and calling it "peace."
The problem?
Congress still exists. Trump doesn’t rule like a dictator (yet), and the majority of U.S. lawmakers—including Republicans—still support Ukraine.
The military-industrial complex isn’t turning off the money tap. The U.S. arms industry is making billions off this war. Trump may whine about it, but Raytheon and Lockheed Martin are not letting that gravy train stop.
NATO still has a pulse. Even if Trump tries to undermine it, countries like Poland, Germany, and the UK are stepping up.
So sure, Trump might try to cut Ukraine loose, but doing so would be way harder than his ego assumes.
JD Vance: Putin’s Favourite American Puppet?
Ah, JD Vance. Trump’s new VP, Ohio’s latest mistake, and the Kremlin’s favourite "America First" parrot.
Vance’s biggest achievement so far? Making himself a star in Russian state media. The second he trashed Ukraine, every propaganda outlet from Moscow to Vladivostok started quoting him like he was their new political messiah.
"Ukraine is forcing conscripts to the front lines."
Right, because Russia’s "prisoner battalions" don’t exist? Moscow is literally pulling people out of jail, giving them a rusty AK-47, and promising "freedom" if they survive six months. (Spoiler: They don’t.)
"Ukraine is running propaganda tours."
Imagine thinking Ukraine asking for military aid is the problem while Russia runs state-organised school trips to occupied Donetsk to teach kids how to reload a rifle.
"Zelenskyy is interfering in U.S. politics."
Oh sure, because Trump literally being impeached for trying to blackmail Ukraine into helping his 2020 campaign was just a casual misunderstanding?
Vance is basically a Russian press secretary in disguise, and if Trump does start pulling away from Ukraine, this guy will be leading the charge.
So, Is This Actually a "Victory" for Putin?
Let’s break it down. What does Putin actually want?
Ukraine to collapse.
Not happening. Ukraine is battered but still standing.
NATO to fracture.
The West to stop funding Ukraine.
Maybe Trump makes things harder, but Europe isn’t stopping. And as long as Congress is functional (debatable, but still), Ukraine aid is not dead.
To be seen as a winner.
Except he’s still bogged down in Ukraine, running out of troops, and losing generals faster than JD Vance loses credibility.
Yes, Trump might make Putin’s life easier, but it’s not a game-changer—it’s just another complicating factor in a war that Russia is still struggling to win.
The Reality Check: What Comes Next?
This whole "Oval Office Showdown" is just another episode of The Trump Show, and like every other episode, it won’t actually change the battlefield.
Russia is still bleeding troops.
Ukraine is still getting weapons.
Trump is still unpredictable.
Putin is still losing.
The only real shift here is that Moscow now gets to pretend Trump is a secret ally, even though he’s mostly just a chaotic, unreliable mess.
If this was Putin’s "biggest victory," then it just proves how badly he’s losing.
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